After Christmas, Halfway through.

Hello Friends, Family and Internet Wanderers!

It is hard to believe that I am at the halfway point in my TREK experience. I feel like I have barely started, and at the same time like I have been doing this all my life (in a good way). Over the past few weeks I have started to really feel like a pastor, I have been starting to see the influence I am having on the students and people at the church, and I am noticing how so much of what I do is in the hands of the Holy Spirit and how little I can do on my own. All of these points are actually found in almost every experience I am having right now, and it is very encouraging.

Little things are starting to add up, like little links in a larger chain that is my experience so far. So continuing the trend from my last post I will start with thankfulness. This month I was invited to attend a monthly gathering of youth pastors/workers. I have been invited before because of my volunteer commitments, but this is the first time I have attended and I felt really encouraged in and because of it. I have been asked by the MB Herald to write a review for a book, which will be published, both online, and in print. My family asked me to deliver a meditation at the annual family gathering for everyone even a little bit related to me, and after I had several people approach me and ask if I was indeed a pastor. But the cherry for me is that I have been asked by one of the pastors of my old church to serve on a panel of youth pastors/workers for a university class, as part of the class. I do not know if I was on the bottom of the barrel or the first pick, but either way I feel privileged, especially because of who it came from. All of these little things, many of them that seem like extra work for another person are small gifts of affirmation that I am so grateful for. I often struggle with feeling insignificant, or like I do not matter, and these opportunities themselves, are just little ways people are showing me that they want to hear what I have to say. Little links in a larger chain.

On that front, especially with students, it can be hard to gauge whether anything I am saying or doing, means anything to them. Especially Jr high youth, who are still trying to figure out what it means to be cool, they often do not react at all to what I say and I am left wondering, hoping and praying that what I have offered, meant anything to them. Especially with such a small amount of time that I get to interact with them it can often be difficult to make an impact in the life of a student, so I seek out and look for opportunities to engage and interact with them outside the normal youth/Sunday morning times. I had one such opportunity during the Christmas season, where I was able to take another leader and go to see a school play. The play itself was nothing special, but what was really cool was to see the particular student who we had come to support, to see that student shine among their peers. And then to hear from the parents, how excited the student had been at the prospect of my coming. These are the moments that I work towards and for. I really enjoy what I am doing now, but it is the extra times, those times when the students don't expect you to show up, that they really start to get a sense of your love and heart for them as people.

Everything I do in ministry is in the hands of the Holy Spirit and I can do very little on my own. Recently I have started to be approached by people in various circles and asked to be pastoral, now not in so many words, but rather people have been bringing prayer request, wanting me to just listen to their struggles and provide encouragement, or sometimes genuine theological insight. This is something that I have desired for a long time and now that it is starting to happen I feel uncertain during these times. For a long time I wanted the validation that my opinion was important, I wanted to bless others with my insights, and I wanted to be seen as someone wise. And as I think about pride and humility I realize that these were desires of pride and of self. I wanted to be and to be seen as great. Now that I am desiring to follow Gods plan, I am starting to have these opportunities and I just keep thinking that I do not have the answers people may be looking for, especially not with adults. But I think that is the point. If I had an idea or an answer to give to everyone/anyone, that would be my idea or answer. Instead I usually end up asking the Spirit to speak through me and quoting a lot of scripture, because that is my source, not myself, but the Spirit and the word.

So these past few weeks have been amazing and I look forward to seeing what the second half of this program has in store for me.

Blessings and Merry Christmas
- Stefan Klassen

One Month In, Bring It On!

Good Afternoon Friends Family and Internet wanderers!

I am now over a week into December and closely approaching the halfway point of my Trek experience. The following is a reflection on a difficult two weeks and the Joy that I have despite it, I write honestly out of a desire for transparency. Know that while this is an accurate reflection of the past few weeks, I am smiling as I write it out.

 It seems so weird to think that only a few months ago I was heading out of my comfort zone and putting all my trust in the path I believe God is taking me on. It has only really settled on me in the past few days, what I have actually done and the implications of it. More than that these past few weeks have been increasingly difficult as the magnitude of my decision has starting to look ominously at me. It is in these times that my program mentor has encouraged me to remember what I have and need to be thankful for. In times of worry and uncertainty, where we I need to trust more and more on God and those He has gathered around me, it is not only important to remember what God has done for me, it is biblical.

I left a comfortable job, which did not pay particularly well, but it did have a health plan and offered a fair amount of security. I have stepped out in faith, trusting that this is indeed the path God has for my life. I think this was the biggest thing I feared and often still do fear, that ministry is indeed the path for me. I have tried many different paths and while this one feels the most right, what if I am not where I should be, what if I am called just to be a lay leader, there is no shame in that. Now I have never been an overly confident man, in fact I would say that I am often far more uncertain that I should be. I often envy my colleagues who seems to be so self assured that their position is a divinely appointed calling from the Lord that my own lack of such assurance causes me to wonder if my conviction is weaker and thus my calling is also?

But then in thankfulness I remember! I remember my practicum in Toronto over five years ago, when I was thinking similarly and despite that a young woman came to me in the midst of grief over the loss of a loved one and I was able to offer her words of comfort from the lord and encourage her in her faith. I remember a young man on the same trip who left me a note, one that I still have and cherish, that said "you have taught me to be a better man and I thank you". I remember my first retreat where I spoke honestly and the students who heard me decided they wanted to hear what else I had to say. I remember leading a workshop on lust and every young man in the group was in attendance. I remember leading what I felt was a terrible talk and then a student coming up to me over a year later to thank me for the impact that my words had on him. I remember being asked to be a mentor of a student by the student, and I remember how I received as much as I gave out of that relationship. I remember being told by another leader that her students felt like God was speaking to them, from my words. And I remember a students lament when I said I was going out to serve in another church. God has blessed me so much and not least of which has been being able to see how I have been a positive influence on others.

These past few weeks it seems like everything that could go wrong has been going wrong. I have been having back problems again after so long being strong. I am living in my parents old house, which could be sold any day now and I would be in a mad dash to find somewhere else to live. I had been seeing a young woman who out of the blue decided she no longer wanted to see me anymore. My car has been in and out of the mechanic for the past two weeks, and just yesterday my computer died and I am now typing this out on an old beast that barely runs Word.

But I know that God has a plan for me.

For years I have felt like my life lacked purpose, and now as I am beginning to find it, it seems like the world is trying to come crashing down on me. But you see that is the funny thing that I am beginning to understand about myself and how God made me. I won't break, I am stressed out, but not even close to being defeated. At a conference recently I was told that the measure of a man is not how big he is, but rather what he will let stop him. God has brought me to this place for this time. He has blessed me with friends to lean on, with mentors to teach me, with family to support me and with His own love to be my guide as I go out. I started this experience with very little, no placement, little direction and no finances, and now I have all of those things and it is only by the grace of God that I have come this far and I am so thankful for all of it and all of you.

I can only describe this stressful time as an attack from the enemy. And the only way I know how to counter the lies of the enemy is with the truths of scripture. The past few months I have been committing myself to memorizing truths in the bible so that when these times come, I will be ready. Of particular note I have been memorizing the armour of God found in Ephesians 6, so everyday I pray the armour over myself to keep me grounded in scripture.

Truth - Jesus told them “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. -John 14:6

 Righteousness - So don’t worry about these things, saying ‘what will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ these things dominate the thoughts of the unbelievers, but your heavenly father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. – Matthew 6:31-33

Peace - I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world!  -John 16:33

Faith - For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God
– 1 John 5:5

Salvation -There is salvation in no one else! (Only Jesus). God has given no other name under heaven by which we may be saved” – Acts 4:12

Spirit -All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work– 2 Tim 3:16-17

Two Weeks In

Well I am now two weeks into the service aspect of the program. It has been great to engage and put to work the skills I am developing and have been training to use for so long. These last two weeks have been a lot of what you might expect for a pastoral intern. I am working on sermons, praying a lot and spending regular time in God's word. I am spending intentional time with those I am serving and just trying to be a resource for them. But what stands out during this time is the value of a small youth group, how important humility is, and the importance of understanding the personhood of God.

I went with the church I am serving at to a MB mission event called AWAKE a week ago. As part of the event I invited my youth group to attend, and of the four regulars, one came and attended. When accepting this placement I excited and a little hesitant about the size of the youth group. I was told of eight students who were in the church. My first Sunday I was told that it would be down to five, because of factors out of my control, and then a couple of weeks in it became apparent that one of the students just did not want to attend for reasons I do not fully understand. So a small group has become even smaller. This is a real struggle for me, a bit of my pride became wrapped up in the size of the youth group, and without me really doing anything it was cut in half. I was and am still eager to serve, but it still felt like I had my wings clipped before I could even take off. But it was at this AWAKE conference that I realized that the group I have the privilege of pastoring, is populated by students who would not enjoy, and likely not attend a larger program. Now I am still going to and have been making efforts to seek out and invite other youth in the church community, but instead of feeling shame for a small group, there is a sense of privilege that I get to reach out to those who might otherwise not be reached. This is not to say that these students are at a higher risk than other students, just that they would be unlikely to enjoy attending a larger youth group.

One of the struggles I have had over the past few years has been the idea that I received from many different people and leaders in the church that I am not ready to lead. I always found it odd because people in and out of the church would compliment my leadership abilities. I would often look out from hurt eyes at pastors who seemed as if they did not want to give me a chance to serve in my gifting. My struggle at the time is that no one seemed to be able to point me directly to where I needed to go, or what I needed to do to be 'ready'. Throughout this program and particularly over these past couple of weeks it has become apparent. I need to humble myself. You see my natural response to people telling me I am not good enough is to protect myself. I did this by over compensating and adopting an attitude of arrogance, lifting myself up because no one else was doing it for me. I have been told I am arrogant and I usually snuffed it off as another criticism from people who were already to overly critical. But here I see the importance of how one approaches an issue. people came to me ready to rebuke what they felt I was doing wrong and as a result it just re-enforced said behaviour. However in this program as I have been routinely and regularly invited to a place of humility I am beginning to see my errors and work to correct them. Even now as I am writing this, the truth of my words are speaking to me about how I have failed others by acting similarly.

God please help me to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of those around me.

Finally I am noticing how much my christian brothers and sisters are struggling with things I take for granted. And in this my masculine tendencies towards problem solving try to take over and fix situations. I do have many good Godly ideas of how to bring people into His light, but sometimes that is not what is needed. Sometimes God allows his children to 'walk through the valley of the shadow of death' as an opportunity to trust Him. Other times He lets us follow the path we have set for ourselves, and sometimes there seems like there is no reason whatsoever for our suffering. It is in the midst of these times that I feel called to be in community with others and adopt a more pastoring/shepherding role than that of the teacher. You see some of my faith family see our Lord as an abstract unmoving deity whole looks down from his heavenly  seat to judge, or not judge, the world. Other members seem to believe that faith is a deeply personal and spiritual thing that can be expressed through a host of gifts and abilities. Both are natures and personalities of God, but our creator is triune and as such can be both of these things. But there is a third personality in the Trinity, the person of Jesus, fully man and fully God. His call for the lives of believers is to be one of relationship with God and man. We are to commune with God regularly and then commissioned to share what we learn with others. Our God is not just one person, but rather all three and we cannot choose to only accept one or two and not the others.

Prayer, Missions, Commissioning, Week 8

Hello All,

My final week of training has been completed and I am filled with anticipation and sadness. I am incredibly excited for the road God has put me on and how it is going to be realized in these next 6 months. But at the same time I am saying farewell to several good friends that have been made over these past 2 months. And while I know God has many good things in store for all of us, I also know that we will never be the same again as we just were.

Yesterday, or Sunday November 1st was the commissioning service in which all ten of the Trekkies shared a bit of their experiences over the past few months and a bit of the vision for the next six. We were able to be prayed for as individuals and as teams, really just an encouraging time for all of us. But then all of the sudden it was over and we are left moving our separate ways and into our varied and exciting ministries

This whole past week has been busy and it went by in a blur. I know we had two distinct speakers who offered valuable insights on cross cultural ministries and global discipleship. I found their information interesting, but between the fact that I am staying locally and the fact that we were in the homestretch of our training I do not have many insights to offer from their time with us.

What I did find immensely valuable this past week was the opportunities for each of us to pray, listen, and intercede to and with God for each other. All ten of us participants took a turn in the hot seat and had the others pray and listen for them and then share what was heard from God. I really value this exercise and not just for encouragement, but because it is always astounding how the same themes repeat in a variety of ways that different people receive words from God.

So with this I will conclude my update. As the weeks unfold I will continue to update this blog, but I will start doing so every other week as my weeks will be a fair bit less diverse, but likely just as intense.

God Bless
-Stefan

Coaching, God, Sex, and Church; Week 7

Hello Friends and Family,

This past week has been really intense and mostly revolving around sex and sexuality. Most weeks have been decently busy with a variety of different speakers and assignments. This past week has been more of the same, with the exception that for this week I was able to attend the Canadian Mennonite Brethren Study Conference on Human Sexuality.

The week started with a speaker from a local church planting organization. He talked with us a lot about a method of mentoring called coaching. Coaching is very simply mentoring with a clear goal in mind. The idea is to be intentional with another person and identify areas in their life that they would like to progress concretely and then through a process of asking questions try and invite them to think deeper and explore other options they may not have tried yet. This was a very down to earth and concrete way of thinking about mentoring and while it does seem to avoid some of the messier emotional or counseling aspects, it is much more driven and as a result more practical. So for the first two days we learned about this and then practiced it with each other.

The rest of the week the other Trekkies and I attended the MB study conference on human sexuality as well as the annual general meetings of the Mennonite Brethren denomination. This was a very mixed experience for many of us, myself included. As a way to serve the conference and at the same time cut down on budget expenses all of us Trekkies served in the kitchens for at least a day of these 3 days. This was for many a negative experience, but I found it surprisingly encouraging. I have worked in and run my own kitchens before and as such I know what to expect and how to find my way around. I found our surly supervisors to be incredibly encouraging of me and while I think they could have done more to help out the other participants who were not used to said conditions, overall I was quite appreciative of the opportunity. My only real concern with this was that I might have to miss some of the conference, but luckily I only missed the AGM, which I could not have contributed to anyways so I  did not mind much.

There was a lot of good to take away from the study conference I found, and unfortunately a little bad to. It was encouraging for me to see so many people in one place interested in and trying to understand how we as a church should respond to the topic of sexuality. The conference leaders made a big point about trying to include a wide range of topics in their definition of sexuality, but it was clear from the start that these questions were specifically relating to the LGBTQ community and our response. What was also clear from the start is that this was a very personal issue with many different experiences and perspectives on the topic.

There were some in attendance who were vehement in their beliefs and seemed unwilling to entertain other ideas, but I felt like they were in the minority, for the most part it appeared to me like most people were there to try and learn how to engage this topic in their own church community. This is why I was so excited in being able to participate in this conference. I have known and befriended people who would fall into the category of LGBTQ and I honestly struggle with how to identify with them from a christian worldview. On the one hand our faith tradition and holy scriptures indicate that people who deviate from the norm in this way are sinners. But then again so are everyone else, myself very much included; I usually just try my best to love them as I think Jesus would. But as this topic is starting to hit closer to home and more and more Christian couples are having kids who are gay, or neighbours who are bi, or even co-workers who are trans-gendered, we as a community of believers are starting to re-think our stance on the issue. I think that this is the wrong way to go about talking on this issue and I was encouraged to see a large percentage of the conference agreed with me.

Near the end of the conference, during an open mic time, one person stood up and said that "we (the church) need to do family right, because blood is thicker than theology." This was very much in the context of a personal, familial connection to an LGBTQ person and a frustration with a theology and understanding that their desired sexual expressions are to be considered sin. There were actually a few people near the end who expressed similar feelings. But as this is going on I feel the Lord bring my attention to Luke 14 and the cost of discipleship, where Jesus clearly states that we must put Him before our family. Now I understand that this can be very difficult and we still need to respond out of love, but this is where the rubber meets the road. If we truly wish to be Jesus's disciples then we must be so even when it is not convenient or comfortable for us to do so.

Another thing that really stood out to me about this conference was the use of Mathew 19, and 1 Corinthians 7 in response to people of the LGBTQ persuasion. For those unfamiliar the text in Mathew has Jesus telling His disciples that some people are called, born, or made to be eunuchs for the kingdom of God, and the verse in Corinthians is a celebration of singleness in the church. These two passages together seemed to me and several conference speakers to be an invitation for LGBTQ people to see their orientation as an invitation to being single for the kingdom of God. This was another widely unpopular assumption, but I think that again has to do with us as a church being too rooted in our culture. Sex is so pervasive and rampant in literally everything, that the idea that God does not want us to be having at least some sex is unthinkable. Our society tells us that the culmination of our existence is in sex, if you are not having it then there is something wrong with you. We need to break away from this idea. Jesus called us to be "in the world, but not of the world" and I guess that means that some people are going to be burdened with a life of singleness for the kingdom of God; just as all married people should be married for the kingdom of God, either way it needs to be about the kingdom. Now I know this sounds a bit harsh, but as someone who has never had a long term Girlfriend, never really been on more than a couple dates, this is my lot in life too, at least for now.

I was really encouraged by what one of the last speakers said in response to this idea of singleness in the church and how some felt it to be unfair. She said that both marriage and singleness need to be done for God. If you are single for any reason, then you, like the apostle Paul, need to devote all your attention on God. If you are married, then you need to be using your marriage to at all times be furthering the kingdom of God. She said that marriage was not about finding the sexiest person you could and fostering everlasting feelings of romance, but rather another tool for engaging God. Now she was not discounting the need for romance and to feel your partner is attractive, but rather that what needs to come first, is and always needs to be God, and the second is your own attractions.

Evangelism and Preaching week 6

Hello Friends, Family and Internet Wanderers

Week 6 is done and finished and this week ended busily, but started refreshingly slow; and as a result this post will be shorter than my past ones.

This past week I was able to spend some much needed solo time on Monday and Tuesday. These days were given to us to allow time to work on the sermons which we were assigned from the week before. It was refreshing and enjoyable to slow down for a day or two.

Then on Wednesday and Thursday we had a speaker on evangelism who has lived in Canada for a while, but also has a delightful Scottish accent. He talked about the different kinds and types of evangelism, using his own stories to demonstrate and highlight the way that God moves in the world. He was very adamant that God will not be put into a box and will use us in a variety of different ways and we need to be open and receptive to it. He also pointed out, much to my chagrin, that we as believers do not spend much time reaching out to others in our day to day lives. Often we are all ready to go and serve overseas or at our church, but not so much when it comes to our own neighbours. This struck me particularly as he asked us to name our neighbours and I didn't know any of them . Upon reflection I do not know many people who are not part of the my Christian 'bubble'. So I was challenged to be and think more missionally in my day to day life.

On Friday we preached our sermons for last weeks speaker who returned to listen to how we did. Everyone did something a little different, but by and large we were all successful. I was very excited to hear encouragement about how I did and especially from the speaker it was high praise. And what stood out to me is that he did not really critique anyone. He was honestly interested in building up our whole team and while he did offer a few pointers, he seemed more about encouragement than perfecting the art of preaching. I look forward to potentially working with or for him in the future.

This weekend has been fairly low key as well and that is refreshing as we have all been told that there will be no breaks this week coming. So with that I will sign off and hope to get as much rest as I can before I spend this next week running

Preaching and Gifting, Week 5

Greetings All,

This past week was a very hectic one as you can probably tell from this post being a bit later that I would have liked. This week I heard from the conference director on how to preach, and from one of the program leaders on spiritual gifting's and personality types. Then I capped the week off with watching my best friend get married to the girl of his dreams, literally the one who (almost) got away.

We were back in Gretna this past week and while I am not a fan of the lack of cell reception, I do find that being a bit further away from the world than I usually find myself is very helpful in centering myself on God and allows me to dive deeper into the teachings that are being offered.

On Monday and Tuesday I heard from the conference director on how to preach successfully. As some of you may know I have taken classes on how to preach, and have also had the opportunity to preach on occasion. I have also had the privilege of leading bible studies and other faith/bible centered teachings that would not normally fall under the category of preaching. That being said I found this information incredibly useful and interesting. Our speaker offered a method of preaching that I was unfamiliar with and offered many useful practical pointers on how to preach. It was both a refresher and a source of new information which will all come together in fruition as we have all been given the assignment to preach a 15 minute sermon for this coming Friday. So I am both excited to do this, but also quite intimidated as I will be preaching for someone who could end up being my boss after this program. But that being said I am more and more confident each day that ministry is the direction and call God has placed on my life and as long as I continue to lean upon and trust my Father I will be on the right path.

On Wednesday and Thursday we did personality tests and spiritual gift assessments. Now normally I really hate these, I find that they are not very indicative of how I am in a variety of situations. This concern was addressed early on with an addition of the "in ministry" qualifier. So in essence all our answers were to be made as if we were in our perspective ministries, this helped a lot. What also helped was the idea that we shift and move from one personality to another as we grow, learn, and experience life. So rather than the test saying that I am exactly like "____", it was I am probably a lot like "____" right now. I found this incredibly freeing and it allowed me to engage much more with the material. But what I found the most enlightening, specifically with regards to the spiritual gifting is that while we may be strong in one or more areas, God does not use us exclusively in our strengths, but also in our weaknesses. So I may be very gifted in the areas of prophecy and teaching, but that doesn't mean that God will not use me in any or all of the other areas of gifting as well.

Finally on Friday I participated in an Aboriginal blanket ceremony. I don't know what I was expecting, but I certainly was not expecting what happened. For any reading who like me had never done this before, it is a ceremony where a group of people walk on blankets symbolizing the Native American people as lines and borders are created and people are removed and blankets taken away to symbolize the loss of life and land respectively. Being from Manitoba, this topic is not unfamiliar to me, but what really stood out to me was the involvement of the Mennonite community. I was aware of the one Mennonite residential school, but what I did not know is that somewhere between 30-50% of the teachers in these horrible schools were of Mennonite background. Now I am pretty proud of my Menno heritage. We as a people have created and run some fairly solid and uplifting organizations from Mennonite Central Committee to Mennonite Disaster Services, and even Mennonite Brethren Missions, the organization putting on my program. But to think of residential schools as a part of my heritage shames me. I know I personally had nothing to do with these schools, but the fact that my people had such a large role in cultural genocide really makes me think; honestly I still do not know how to respond to this information.

The second half of Friday and all of Saturday were spent in an amazing celebration of my friends love for each other culminating in their wedding at noon on Saturday. I am incredibly happy for them, but also incredibly tired. As a member of the wedding party I had the honour and privileged to stand at the altar when they were wed. But being a part of a wedding is also tiring work so I bid everyone adieu as my bed is calling to me.

Spiritual Warfare and Panama, Week 4

Good afternoon to all the friends, family and supporters.

This week has been a bit slower than those past, but no less important in content or experience. This week focused on two things in particular, the first was learning about Holy Spirit and what it means to live in a physical and a spiritual world. The second was that we as a community were able to meet and host 2 missionaries from Panama and learn their story of how God is at work and through them. In addition to that our final participant showed up after being only three weeks late, but he is already becoming a very significant part of the community. Then finally I had my second youth night with the church I am working at and it went fairly well.

So the first 3 days of the week one of the program leaders spent teaching and talking with us about the realities of the spiritual realm. We learned what it means to use the authority granted to us through the name of Christ and a multitude of other things. During this time we also did a few exercises in evangelism where we would pray for God to point out to us particular people who needed to hear from Him today, and then we went out looking for those people. What really stood out to me during this time is how real the spiritual realm is and how little we, especially in North America realize. It seems like one of the enemies greatest tools of war has been to convince most of North America and parts of Europe that there is no such thing as the spiritual. If you were to go anywhere else in the world the people would tell you that spirits do indeed exist, but as I write this I feel like I am speaking of fantasy. It seems almost crazy to say that as a Christian I believe that both angels and demons exist and while they may not look anything like what have been depicted in the past, they do indeed affect us. I found myself this week being very introspective and examining my moods and trying to see if they were indeed appropriate to the circumstance and often they were not. As part of this week myself and another participant went looking for someone to pray for, we found her, and her response was to literally (I am using this correctly here) pick up her dog in the park and run away from us. Our only prompting was to offer to pray for her. I do not know any situation in which I can rationally understand that response. It is my and my partners suspicion that she was being influenced by the enemy. I cannot say with certainty either way, but what I can say is that the more I delve into and saturate myself with the Spirit the more I am noticing that it affects.

The second part of this week was listening to two missionaries from Panama. We heard their stories of faith and transformation and all in Spanish with translators doing the work of relaying the information to us. Both of their stories were amazing tales of God doing miraculous things in their lives. It seems like sometimes when we think miracles we think of transforming our circumstance, which can definitely be a miracle and God definitely did that in the lives of these two. But God also healed one of them from HIV and the other was brought out of a drug cartel; no small things here. Both of them are and were walking proof of the power and love of God's Holy Spirit. The main focus of their teaching was the idea that we are not working for results, but rather our desire is to be faithful and respond lovingly to our God who loved us first. These missionaries emphasized the point that we are to love all our brothers and sister and while we do desire to bring others to Christ, our first priority is to love. This really resonated with me, especially because of the nature of my ministry so far. The youth program has really just started but the group is really quite small and this teaching was really encouraging. So often the way we evaluate the success of a program is based purely on attendance, and to a degree that is valid, but especially early on I need to focus on loving those I am called to serve and lean not on my own understanding, but trust that God has a plan for my ministry, no matter how small.

So this past week has been packed full even more Holy Spirit, learning and re-learning. Please pray for the coming weeks that I will continue to soak up the teachings and they will make a lasting impact of my ministry. Pray for the youths I am leading and that I will stay centered and direct these students on the path God has laid out for them.

God Bless,

-Stefan

Spiritual Authority and Silence, Week 3

Hello all,

I apologize for not posting yesterday, my schedule did not allow for much free time even though yesterday was a fairly free of planned activities.

So this past week has been a lot less hectic and purposely so. On Sunday after church the Trekkies and I spent the evening in worship at MB missions MUD (mission under discussion) cafe. We worshiped, prayed for different areas of the world and heard from Randy Friesen about what it means to be on mission and seeking our identity as children of God. During this evening i was able to meet and have a conversation with a local youth pastor who I have met occasionally at other MB mission events and youth events. The conversation that followed was incredibly life giving for me. I first met him 5 or so years ago when I started volunteering with youth at a city wide youth event, since then our paths have crossed occasionally but not very significantly. This meeting was very different. After a short conversation he informed me that as he gets older, one of his areas of ministry is that of building up new leaders in the church. He told me that he has noticed me and heard my desire to serve in vocational ministry and offered his support to me in that. But more than that he told me very bluntly that he suspected that i was a person prone to discouragement (which is very true), and that one of his desires was to "not let that happen" to me. This short conversation of maybe ten minutes was incredibly encouraging as God continues to show me more and more people who are supporting me, even in places I have not known off. 

The next few days Randy taught directly to us Trekkies on the importance of spiritual authority and what it means to have/take authority. He emphasized the reality of the spiritual world and how we as humans live in between the physical and spiritual and how the enemy tries to divert our focus towards just the physical. Two things stood out in this experience for me. The first was a profound thankfulness towards my parents who have taught me from a young age to take authority in Christ, that their is a spiritual realm and it can influence us in a very real way. The second is the overwhelming importance of scripture as our primary means of fighting against the enemy. I have always believed in the authority of scripture, but never before seen it wielded as a weapon of spiritual warfare. In Ephesians 6 Paul talks about the sword of the Spirit being the word of God and i have never thought of how true and literal this can be taken. This revelation has sparked a very real desire to memorize pertinent passages of scripture, not only to use them against temptations and attacks from the enemy, but to steep my soul in the word of God. So far i have memorized 5 different chunks of text. 1 Cor 13:4-7, Job 31:1, James 4:7, 2 Tim 1:7, and 1 Peter 5:8-9; as well as a large chunk of Ephesians. It is my hope to continue to make progress on this front and memorize more and more scripture. 

The other part of Randy's visit involved solo prayer opportunities for each Trek participant. Every session was different and deeply personal so i do not know many people experience on this, and would not share it even if I did. My own experience was also deeply personal so i wont say much except to say that I have been struggling with certain things since I was a child. There were certain trigger points the enemy could tempt me to with such ease that I had almost no defense. Randy called them enemy strongholds or footholds in our life, places where they rest and launch attacks from. I am proud to say that through prayer God showed these to me and together in the name of Jesus we were able to destroy them and I am feeling incredibly free and already noticing a few changes as a result.

The last 2 days were spent on a silent retreat. The rules were fairly simple, we were to seek to hear God and endeavour to be silent and inward focused instead of outward and other focused. Other experiences of this I found more compelling because this time I found myself constantly distracted  and unable to focus for long periods of time. But during this time I did hear the voice of God in two different areas of my life. The first is that there are different spiritual gifts and positions in the kingdom none are greater than the other, but some do have more responsibility. I have a deep desire for evangelism and to step out in faith but what i found out is that this is not necessarily where my strengths lay. But the second thing that I heard from God has come out a few times during this process already and it is that I have similar gifting to that of a prophet. This is difficult for me because I am very fearful of speaking for the Holy Spirit as I am a human and prone to selfishness and failure. That being said during this program I have felt like God was telling me to talk to the other participants about many different things. So during this time of silence I prayed for my friends, the other participants, and in the coming days I will share what I heard. This is definitely a step of bold obedience for me, but because of the context it feels much safer than if I were to exercise and text this gifting with anyone else.

So this past week has been packed full of a lot of Holy Spirit, learning and re-learning. Please pray for the coming weeks that I will continue to soak up the teachings and they will make a lasting impact of my ministry. Pray for the youths I am leading and that I will stay centered and direct these students on the path God has laid out for them. 

God Bless

-Stefan

Getting Started, Week 2

Hello again to Friends, Family and any random strangers who may pass by,


I am now finishing week two of my first two months of orientation and training. This week we heard from two very different speakers on the topic of team development and the topic of idols. Our community of Trekkies continues to grow stronger as we are delving deeper into each individuals gifts and stories. And finally I am writing this just on the cusp of finishing my first youth night as the point person and organizer.

Our first speaker was a woman who works with MB Mission and she spoke and taught about the nature and the person of The Holy Spirit as revealed by Paul in his letter to the church in Ephesus and what that means in regards to team. She taught that principally there are five things laid our by Paul that govern our teams and how we should relate to other believers. These five things are based on Eph 4:25-5:20, they are honesty, contribution, love, forgiveness and sexual purity. All good things to strive for but what really stood out to me from this teaching is how much we as believers need to rely on The Spirit to resolve conflict. There were many good things to take out of this but the core of what was taught was essentially that we as believers need to die to our own selves and follow the path of the cross laid out for us by Christ.

The second speaker was a pastor of a local church in Winnipeg and has a special understanding of the nature and pervasiveness of idols in our culture. He taught that there are three main idols which seek to temp and attract us. There are idols of power which seek to build up the self by stealing from the other. There are idols of pleasure that seek to convince us of a mythological hierarchy of pleasures in which only one thing can be supreme, often resulting in us seeking it to the exclusion of anything and everything else. Then finally the idols of value were discussed, these being the ones which I felt were the most pervasive in our culture. An idol of value tells us that to the extent to which we conform to a singular image we are given a certain amount of love and value. All these idols can be seen as actual statues of gold, but are much more likely to be something that seeks to define what is normal in your life. The comparison was drawn to our lives being that of a mantle and the idols are that which we would put upon it. The call of Jesus is to be the singular image which is to rest upon said mantle; if Jesus really is our Lord then that means that everything else is not.

Finally my first youth night as point person has now come and gone and I feel quite content. By all accounts, and believe me I have already asked, the night went very well. We had a fairly average turn out even seeing a student who was not a regular attender. The games I planned were fairly well received and although the students were fairly reserved they did seem willing to open up to me, if only for a few moments at a time. But it is at this time I feel a bit weird about my role, not because I am uneasy, but because before I can become a teacher or guide for these young people I first must build relationships with them, and that takes time. As I have been praying about this evening for a while in anticipation of whatever might be in store for me, I was struck by how little I can accomplish on my own. On my own I can do nothing, it is only by the grace and power of my heavenly father that any ministry can be done; and it is recognizing this, that I am able to invite God into this youth ministry.

So as I sit here and reflect back on this past week I find myself very grateful for the opportunities I have been presented as a result of this program. I know it has really only just started, but already I have met so many new people and many of whom could be potential employers in the future. But more than that, more than all the lectures and the teaching I am finding myself in a place of rest with God and it is amazing. These past two weeks have been a throwback to my time at CMU, I have been living in community, seeking God, and being invested in by other strong leaders in the church who have come before me. All of this has been allowing me to soak in the presence of The Holy Spirit, and receive the rest offered to us in Matt 11:28. With six weeks left of learning and soaking I feel very confident that the Spirit will continue to move among myself and the other participants in bigger and better ways.

The Beginning, Week 1

Hello Friends, Family, and Internet Wanderer's,

This is my first attempt at doing something like a Blog and as a result I ask you to bare with me if I make some obvious mistakes to any veterans out there. My goal in this is to write out my experiences on MB Missions Trek program, this will serve as a place for me to reflect and to journal what i am learning and doing. I will post weekly updates during this time most likely on Saturday. I hope you like it.

 As some of you may know Trek is a 8 month program hosted by MB Mission and for the first 2 months all participants are spending time in community and being intentional about faith, God, and each other. The following 6 months are spent on assignment serving the Kingdom of God. My assignment is Crossroads MB in Winnipeg. I will be serving as the leader of the youth ministry team, helping in the leadership of the young adults and shadowing the lead pastor there. I will be learning what it means to be a pastor at an Mennonite Brethren church.

 So week one of Trek has started and is almost over and I find myself reflecting on the 5 days that have come and gone and thinking about the next 2 months. With only 5 days so far of intentional community living I am already finding myself feeling very close with my fellow Trekkies (people who are participating in this program, and yes i am the only one to call us that). We have spent a few nights at Mennonite Collegiate Institute (MCI) in Gretna Manitoba and a few nights at a cabin on Brereton Lake in the Whiteshell all of the time being in near constant community with each other. It has been amazing but the introvert in me is also thankful for this time to write and gather my thoughts.

So far we have spend most of our time focusing on being a community. We have worshiped, prayed, and read scripture together on almost a daily basis. We have mapped out our lives and shared our stories with each other in such detail and honesty that it would likely take months if not years to learn about one another otherwise. We have also been taught some basics about The Holy Spirit, prayer, community and leadership. And while we really are only beginning I am overwhelmed by the presence of the Holy Spirit in this place and on these people. This past night we spend a few hours listening to God for his words for each of us. I was blessed by God to receive and offer a word from him to each participant, unique to them and while we do know each other much better than we might for only such a small time the words were unique and personal in such a way that could not have been done without God.

So as I sit here writing I find myself filled with the Spirit and sitting content with where I am. But more than that I find myself expectant of the future. After 5 days I may not say I have been significantly changed, but I can feel the Spirit at work in me, my fellow Trekkies, the program leaders and this place. Something big is brewing and I look forward to seeing what it is and realizing my place within this plan God is unfolding.