After Christmas, Halfway through.

Hello Friends, Family and Internet Wanderers!

It is hard to believe that I am at the halfway point in my TREK experience. I feel like I have barely started, and at the same time like I have been doing this all my life (in a good way). Over the past few weeks I have started to really feel like a pastor, I have been starting to see the influence I am having on the students and people at the church, and I am noticing how so much of what I do is in the hands of the Holy Spirit and how little I can do on my own. All of these points are actually found in almost every experience I am having right now, and it is very encouraging.

Little things are starting to add up, like little links in a larger chain that is my experience so far. So continuing the trend from my last post I will start with thankfulness. This month I was invited to attend a monthly gathering of youth pastors/workers. I have been invited before because of my volunteer commitments, but this is the first time I have attended and I felt really encouraged in and because of it. I have been asked by the MB Herald to write a review for a book, which will be published, both online, and in print. My family asked me to deliver a meditation at the annual family gathering for everyone even a little bit related to me, and after I had several people approach me and ask if I was indeed a pastor. But the cherry for me is that I have been asked by one of the pastors of my old church to serve on a panel of youth pastors/workers for a university class, as part of the class. I do not know if I was on the bottom of the barrel or the first pick, but either way I feel privileged, especially because of who it came from. All of these little things, many of them that seem like extra work for another person are small gifts of affirmation that I am so grateful for. I often struggle with feeling insignificant, or like I do not matter, and these opportunities themselves, are just little ways people are showing me that they want to hear what I have to say. Little links in a larger chain.

On that front, especially with students, it can be hard to gauge whether anything I am saying or doing, means anything to them. Especially Jr high youth, who are still trying to figure out what it means to be cool, they often do not react at all to what I say and I am left wondering, hoping and praying that what I have offered, meant anything to them. Especially with such a small amount of time that I get to interact with them it can often be difficult to make an impact in the life of a student, so I seek out and look for opportunities to engage and interact with them outside the normal youth/Sunday morning times. I had one such opportunity during the Christmas season, where I was able to take another leader and go to see a school play. The play itself was nothing special, but what was really cool was to see the particular student who we had come to support, to see that student shine among their peers. And then to hear from the parents, how excited the student had been at the prospect of my coming. These are the moments that I work towards and for. I really enjoy what I am doing now, but it is the extra times, those times when the students don't expect you to show up, that they really start to get a sense of your love and heart for them as people.

Everything I do in ministry is in the hands of the Holy Spirit and I can do very little on my own. Recently I have started to be approached by people in various circles and asked to be pastoral, now not in so many words, but rather people have been bringing prayer request, wanting me to just listen to their struggles and provide encouragement, or sometimes genuine theological insight. This is something that I have desired for a long time and now that it is starting to happen I feel uncertain during these times. For a long time I wanted the validation that my opinion was important, I wanted to bless others with my insights, and I wanted to be seen as someone wise. And as I think about pride and humility I realize that these were desires of pride and of self. I wanted to be and to be seen as great. Now that I am desiring to follow Gods plan, I am starting to have these opportunities and I just keep thinking that I do not have the answers people may be looking for, especially not with adults. But I think that is the point. If I had an idea or an answer to give to everyone/anyone, that would be my idea or answer. Instead I usually end up asking the Spirit to speak through me and quoting a lot of scripture, because that is my source, not myself, but the Spirit and the word.

So these past few weeks have been amazing and I look forward to seeing what the second half of this program has in store for me.

Blessings and Merry Christmas
- Stefan Klassen

One Month In, Bring It On!

Good Afternoon Friends Family and Internet wanderers!

I am now over a week into December and closely approaching the halfway point of my Trek experience. The following is a reflection on a difficult two weeks and the Joy that I have despite it, I write honestly out of a desire for transparency. Know that while this is an accurate reflection of the past few weeks, I am smiling as I write it out.

 It seems so weird to think that only a few months ago I was heading out of my comfort zone and putting all my trust in the path I believe God is taking me on. It has only really settled on me in the past few days, what I have actually done and the implications of it. More than that these past few weeks have been increasingly difficult as the magnitude of my decision has starting to look ominously at me. It is in these times that my program mentor has encouraged me to remember what I have and need to be thankful for. In times of worry and uncertainty, where we I need to trust more and more on God and those He has gathered around me, it is not only important to remember what God has done for me, it is biblical.

I left a comfortable job, which did not pay particularly well, but it did have a health plan and offered a fair amount of security. I have stepped out in faith, trusting that this is indeed the path God has for my life. I think this was the biggest thing I feared and often still do fear, that ministry is indeed the path for me. I have tried many different paths and while this one feels the most right, what if I am not where I should be, what if I am called just to be a lay leader, there is no shame in that. Now I have never been an overly confident man, in fact I would say that I am often far more uncertain that I should be. I often envy my colleagues who seems to be so self assured that their position is a divinely appointed calling from the Lord that my own lack of such assurance causes me to wonder if my conviction is weaker and thus my calling is also?

But then in thankfulness I remember! I remember my practicum in Toronto over five years ago, when I was thinking similarly and despite that a young woman came to me in the midst of grief over the loss of a loved one and I was able to offer her words of comfort from the lord and encourage her in her faith. I remember a young man on the same trip who left me a note, one that I still have and cherish, that said "you have taught me to be a better man and I thank you". I remember my first retreat where I spoke honestly and the students who heard me decided they wanted to hear what else I had to say. I remember leading a workshop on lust and every young man in the group was in attendance. I remember leading what I felt was a terrible talk and then a student coming up to me over a year later to thank me for the impact that my words had on him. I remember being asked to be a mentor of a student by the student, and I remember how I received as much as I gave out of that relationship. I remember being told by another leader that her students felt like God was speaking to them, from my words. And I remember a students lament when I said I was going out to serve in another church. God has blessed me so much and not least of which has been being able to see how I have been a positive influence on others.

These past few weeks it seems like everything that could go wrong has been going wrong. I have been having back problems again after so long being strong. I am living in my parents old house, which could be sold any day now and I would be in a mad dash to find somewhere else to live. I had been seeing a young woman who out of the blue decided she no longer wanted to see me anymore. My car has been in and out of the mechanic for the past two weeks, and just yesterday my computer died and I am now typing this out on an old beast that barely runs Word.

But I know that God has a plan for me.

For years I have felt like my life lacked purpose, and now as I am beginning to find it, it seems like the world is trying to come crashing down on me. But you see that is the funny thing that I am beginning to understand about myself and how God made me. I won't break, I am stressed out, but not even close to being defeated. At a conference recently I was told that the measure of a man is not how big he is, but rather what he will let stop him. God has brought me to this place for this time. He has blessed me with friends to lean on, with mentors to teach me, with family to support me and with His own love to be my guide as I go out. I started this experience with very little, no placement, little direction and no finances, and now I have all of those things and it is only by the grace of God that I have come this far and I am so thankful for all of it and all of you.

I can only describe this stressful time as an attack from the enemy. And the only way I know how to counter the lies of the enemy is with the truths of scripture. The past few months I have been committing myself to memorizing truths in the bible so that when these times come, I will be ready. Of particular note I have been memorizing the armour of God found in Ephesians 6, so everyday I pray the armour over myself to keep me grounded in scripture.

Truth - Jesus told them “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. -John 14:6

 Righteousness - So don’t worry about these things, saying ‘what will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ these things dominate the thoughts of the unbelievers, but your heavenly father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need. – Matthew 6:31-33

Peace - I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world!  -John 16:33

Faith - For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God
– 1 John 5:5

Salvation -There is salvation in no one else! (Only Jesus). God has given no other name under heaven by which we may be saved” – Acts 4:12

Spirit -All scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us what is right. God uses it to prepare and equip his people to do every good work– 2 Tim 3:16-17